New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
