Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
