i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
