i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
