Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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