I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
