just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
