The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
