I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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