he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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