So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
