Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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