ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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