I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize