So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
