i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize