I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
