Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
