Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude. I can hear the air.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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