My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
