if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I love how my cats smell like pot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
