We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
