Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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