Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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