Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
