Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
