Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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