imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
