i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
