Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize