Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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