just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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