His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
