If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
