I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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