Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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