did you get engaged???
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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