Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
