Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
