Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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