Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
