its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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