he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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