matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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