the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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