They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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