I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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