i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
