Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
