she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize