Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
