he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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