Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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