I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
