Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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