I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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