Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
