I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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