Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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