I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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