This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
