he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
