nut hugger
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize