her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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