Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
