I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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