We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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