You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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