the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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