So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
