i don't like sucking hair
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
