There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
