I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
